My Own More Than Fine Story

I lived in the Just Fines for most of my life. Looking in from the outside, you would think I had everything I needed to feel completely fulfilled. But there was always an element missing. At times I could ignore it and at others, it was just like this dull ache that sapped my energy and left me feeling blaaaaah.

I did lots of things to find the More that I was looking for. But in the beginning, all of these things were outside of myself. Looking back, I now see that one of my strategies for dealing with the Just Fines was to push myself and give myself challenging new things to do.

I learned a lot through those experiences and did a lot of interesting and fun things--I was an exchange student in Sweden for a year and then ended up staying for 6 more years, I returned to school in my 30s and earned my Masters in TESOL and then I went off to teach English at a university in Finland. I returned to Sweden for 8 more years and taught Business English and managed the Language Department at a Training company. So while I learned a lot through these big transitions, this strategy would only work for a little while and then those Just Fines would creep back in.

The beginning of the turnig point for me was when I made a pivotal Just Fine decision. I was in California and I took a job that seemed Fine, but was so wrong for me that I ended up getting really sick. That was a really dark time in my life and it was after that, I started waking up and paying more attention.

And the end of the big turning point came a few years ago when I started working with a coach. At the time, I was living in Sweden, leading a good life and I was at a perfect Just Fine stage and that aching had returned. Working with a coach changed my life. I started really getting clear about what was important to me in life and stopped basing decisions on what made sense or what I ‘should’ do.

Today, I am living my MORE--which is exciting,fulfilling and fills me with contentment and joy. That doesn’t mean there aren’t challenges, changes and transitions all the time. It just means that I am living from that place of knowing and enjoying where I am right now and finding my own power in this whole process.

What does my story bring up for you?

What do YOU value?

One of the first steps in getting out of the 'Just Fines' is to get really clear about what you value in life. Sometimes you know what you value. For example, Family, might be an important value for you. And you spend a lot of your time with your family--connecting with them and learning and growing together. That IS a value and if this is the case for you, it sounds like you live by this value.

But it could be that you THINK you value something. Say, you always thought a “career” was important to you--moving up the career ladder into management. And then as you advance, you feel less and less excited about your job, you have less energy and less motivation. That could very well be that career advancement is not a value of yours. Maybe it is connection, or creativity or providing support--something you had more of when you first started out in your career.

So if you are in the ‘just fines’, feeling stuck and unfulfilled, looking at what you REALLY value is and excellent first step. This isn’t something you necessarily do in one sitting. You might have seen those lists that Life Coaches love to give out (yep, even me!). Click here to see an example if you don't know what I mean. These lists can definitely be helpful. They can also be overwhelming! If this list/exercise interests you in any way, give it a try! It’s a good way to get started.

But if it feels like too much for you, I’m with you. The first and second time I did this, I tried hard to complete it and I did eventually. The funny thing was I had NO idea which values I picked afterwards. So the approach I took was a bit different. Instead of doing this in one sitting, I had it in the back of the mind all the time. And as I worked with my coach, we identified these values more slowly. Each time I found one, I FELT it. It was like I could feel the word in my whole body and I KNEW it was a value.

So explore, experiment, see what comes up for you. When you have the 3 - 6 things that you TRULY value in life, you can put these in your travel bag. They are essential to you on your journey to the MORE Than Just Fine.

Something More

So what exactly IS Something MORE? That is an excellent question! And it really depends on who you are and where you are right now. I can say, though, that FINDING that something MORE is exciting and fun. It is a process of discovery and exploration.

And although the something MORE can include dreams of a new job, a new home, more money, a new relationship, those things will come and go. So when you get that thing you are dreaming of, you will undoubtedly put a new “thing” on your list.

So instead of focusing on the ‘things’ that will give you more, you can look at how it will feel when you have the MORE you are looking for. For many clients I have worked with, the feeling of contentment is often one that is fleeting and one they want more of. A lot of times, you don’t linger long enough to truly feel it. We are so wrapped up in getting things done and moving onto the next thing to ‘do’ that we allow no space to feel the contentment we are searching for.

In the next few days, think about YOUR something more. What does that look like? What does your More FEEL like? How will you know when you have it?