The Place Next Door

Last weekend I spent a couple of days visiting my sister and brother-in-law in San Francisco. I love visiting the city for lots of different reasons. This trip I decided to go to Grace Cathedral to walk the labyrinths (stay tuned for a blog post on this soon!). I wasn't actually all that interested in the cathedral itself - for me, the draw was the labyrinths.

Boy, was I in for a surprise. As I walked through the beautiful, expansive, impressive cathedral, I was in awe.I always look for experiences like this in the US but don't often find them. I love walking into a church or cathedral and feeling the history, feeling that wonder of how it was built - how much work & planning & artistry went into it. This is what I felt as I walked through Grace Cathedral.

And my awe was also caused by the fact that I lived in the City for 3 years and never visited the Cathedral. It wasn't even that I lived far from it. Actually, my bus and walking routes wereon the very street of the Cathedral. I just never thought to walk in.

Why is it that when things are so close, we often miss them? We're often much more curious about those things that are further away - in another neighborhood, city, state or even country. THAT's what we want to explore. And often there are PLENTY of gems right around the corner from us.

So this week, I invite you to bring that curiosity closer to home. What might you explore that's right next door - a new route, a different street, anew cafe or restaurant or building? Is there something you walk or drive by each day, but have never REALLY seen or looked at? Explore that thing next door this week - who KNOWS what you might discover?

Have YOU had a laugh attack lately?

When I was young, my older sister & brother and I used to have laugh attacks. Now, I say I was young, but actually I think we did this up to about my 20s or so (I'm the youngest of the three of us so I don't think there's an age limit on this one). I'm not sure how or when we ever started it, but we did it for years. One of us would start just with a fake laugh. Then another would fake laugh too. We would keep doing this until we were all laughing uncontrollably. I remember thoroughly enjoying it - it felt satisfying in a way only a really GOOOOOD laugh can.

Laugh attacks can still do their magic. Not very long ago I was with a group of women I didn't know very well at a photo shoot. We were at an old farm and one of the places we were going to shoot pictures in was an old slaughter house. Someone had tried taking away the S, so we were left with a laughter house instead, which I much preferred. Still, the air of the Slaughter house still felt like it was there so I decided to prove it was the Laughter house instead.

 

I went into the little building and just started laughing. It felt a bit fake at first and then suddenly, I was laughing loudly and easily. I heard the women outside all laughing as well. It brought back the strong memories of my sibling laugh attacks and from then on, that little building WAS the Laughter house.

That episode made me remember how quickly we can change the energy around things. Obviously, it's not always appropriate and sometimes we might not really want to laugh through something. But I'm offering laughter as an alternative - a tool to move the energy through and/or around you.

If you're interested in the science of laughter, you might like to read this article. But whether you 're interested in the scientific links to laughter or not, next time you're feeling a heaviness or maybe just that things are a bit stuck, I invite you to laugh; laugh alone or recruit a laugh partner. Yes, it might feel a bit stilted and strange at first, but I promise you, if you keep laughing, you'll experience, firsthand, the benefits of a laugh attack.

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How do YOU define success?

Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

-Winston Churchill

 

I love this quote. It's quite a different view of success than a lot of people have. Usually people think if they haven't succeeded, they have failed. This quote completely challenges that way of looking at success and I always love a good challenge of the 'normal' way of thinking.

The definition of success has been one of those 'hot' topics in my coaching lately. Whenever that happens, it's like I notice it all around me so I've been exploring the topic and bringing it up with lots of different people.

For many, it seems that defining success is linked with how much money they are making - and a complete tally of all the assets and things they have in their lives. That is certainly ONE way to define success. Because this is often the view that we're fed by the society we live in, many of you may not realize that there are LOTS of other ways to define success. It could be that success for you is to have meaningful connections in your life, or to live a balanced life or to contribute in your unique way in the world or to create new opportunities for learning & growth. The list is really endless & naturally, success could be a combination of lots of different things.

So my invitation to you this week is to explore YOUR definition of success. What is success for you? Have you felt it at certain times of your life? If so, what exactly did it feel like - how did you know it was success? Another way to tap into this is to look at other people. Maybe you see someone around you who you feel has succeeded in a way that inspires you. Or maybe you can find parts of the lives of a number of people that you see as successful - combining these parts can help you create your own unique definition of success.

Your definition of success might be something that comes to you quickly or it might take a bit of exploration & reflection. Either way it's perfect & just enjoy. Just remember that If you don't know how YOU define success, it will be very difficult for you to know when you get there. And it is actually entirely possible that you're already there & you don't even know it. Hmmm....

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How is YOUR Self Care?

The idea of self care is something that we hear a lot about in many different ways - it's a rather broad concept & encompasses lots of different things. Most often, we hear about the topic in terms of exercise, sleeping enough & eating well. The self care that I'd like to talk about has a different focus. It's all about listening, looking within, exploring & BEING with YOUR self.

Self care looks different for all of us. Some of us do great in some areas and completely miss others. What's important is that we see where we can develop our own self care & nurture that part self in some way.

One of the parts of self care that I notice many people miss is compassion--not for others but for ourselves. This is one that can be quite challenging. Many of us have a lot of compassion for others, for our friends & loved ones, but not necessarily for ourselves. We often have a lot of judgment & resistance to those parts of ourselves that aren't quite 'good' enough. There can be a lot of beating ourselves up. 'Why did I DO that?, I knew it wasn't right and I did it anyway!' we can ask ourselves and sometimes in a voice we would most likely not use for others (what does YOUR voice sound like?).

When you offer yourself compassion, you stop using that voice. And the compassion isn't self indulgent; it's just...compassionate. When you offer yourself compassion, you're saying 'Let's look at this...Why is this showing up right now? What's it here to teach me?'

This is something that can take some practice (that's why having a coach to help you in the beginning works well :) ). When we offer ourselves compassion, we can step back a bit. We can let go of the judgment. Stepping into the compassion allows you  to accept that quality of yourself and with that acceptance, whatever you were judging, whatever wasn't 'perfect' often gets much weaker; sometimes it disappears.

 
There are plenty of other parts of self care  to discuss, but that's enough for now. How are you doing with the compassion you offer yourself? Do you use that critical, judgmental voice when you do something that is less than perfect? What would it be like to be curious instead - to use the voice of curiosity & discovery? Why don't you give it a try this week and see what happens...

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The squeals of childhood

Have you seen or heard a kid squeal lately? There are lots of things that might make a child squeal - could be a fun game, or splashing in a pool or bouncing high on a trampoline... The list is really endless.

And now I have another question for you. Do you remember when YOU were a kid and you did something sooooooooo wonderful that you just had to squeal?? What was it that made you squeal as a child? Do you remember? I know I squealed in the ocean. It was such a treat and it felt so exciting and free. I also remembering squealing on rollercoasters... Otherwise, I think I missed out on squealing. I was always afraid of sticking out too much.

I got the urge the other day for that kind of squeal. I had told a friend of mine that the roller-coaster at the Boardwalk was calling me and that I thought it would fulfill the need for the child-like squeal. I hadn't ridden a rollercoaster in YEARS. She called one day and said she had an hour in between errands and wondered if she could come and pick me up so we could go for a rollercoaster ride. I was in the middle of writing an article and felt like a break would help me move through my current writing standstill. So if I hesitated at all, it was a nano-second.

She came, picked me up, drove us to the boardwalk, parked the car, we bought tickets, stood in line for about 5 minutes and then squealed for a few more minutes on the ride. The energy around me felt limitless for those few minutes.

When I got home, I felt energized, open and creative. It brought me to a space that we don't always allow ourselves to be in out in the world - where we can just express total joy and/or excitement that bubbles up in us uncontrollably. Giving myself the opportunity to do that was like giving myself a little energy kick and totally changed the space around the writing that I was doing.

So, I invite you to think back and see what things come to mind from your childhood? When did you experience such joy that it was impossible to contain it? And what could you do today (ok, I'll cut you some slack - today or tomorrow :) ) that would allow you to tap into those feelings (whether you remember them from your childhood or not)? Maybe you need a kick of energy or want to change the space your in or just want to feel that child-like excitement and joy. I can highly recommend a rollercoaster!

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