Listen

Such a beautiful word. Sounds like a simple thing as well. To listen. And sometimes it is simple. Other times we do ALL kinds of things so we can avoid listening. We do this with others sometimes. When someone is talking to us and instead of REALLY listening and hearing what they are saying, we are somewhere else. Maybe we are even thinking about what we want to say when they have finished their sentence. When you aren't REALLY taking in what they are saying, there isn't a lot of listening going on.

And how about when it comes to yourself? It can be VERY tempting to not listen in this dialogue as well. Sometimes there are sooooo many 'voices' going on in our heads, it is difficult to know which one is the TRUE voice. And sometimes instead of figuring that out, we decide we'll just push those voices out of the way and try not to focus on them. We figure they'll go away; they'll get tired after a while and leave us alone.

However, this really doesn't work. Even if the voices we are avoiding do get quieter (which usually is NOT the case), often this just means they show up in some other way -- maybe a heightened conflict, an illness, discontent.

Listening is a key element of going from Just Fine to that something MORE than just fine. And the key is really to be curious about ALL the voices. They are all just different parts of ourselves wanting to be heard. You know like a small child tugging on our sleeve, wanting some attention. When we give the voice the attention it wants, it often gets quieter. Or at least we can feel as if we're working together with it instead of fighting it.

Today, tune into your voices. Maybe there's one that you KNOW is there, but you've been trying to push down, push away. Remember that the voice just wants to be listened to. Be curious about it and ask it what it wants you to know. See if you can get past judging it -- it's not good or bad. It's just a part of you that wants to be listened to. See if you can get a little quiet, take a breath and do just that...listen.



Image: Getideaka / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

MORE on the inside and the outside

I recently did a workshop with my friend and workshop colleague, Sarah Savasky, who is an excellent style consultant. While we were creating the workshop, we saw more and more how alike our professions are—helping people get clearer about who they are and learning to express themselves. Her work focuses on the outside and mine on the inside.

This duality is often seen in my work with clients. A lot of times when clients are talking about some of the changes they are making in their lives—examining old patterns and altering them so they are more consistent with what they really want—I also hear they are examining the more physical things. Many times they are de-cluttering and simplifying. They are getting rid of all that extra STUFF they no longer need.

And sometimes it can be that they get a new haircut or start dressing a bit differently. I actually went through this myself pretty recently as well. When I moved back to California and realized how RIGHT it was for me to be here, there was just one thing that seemed a bit off. And that thing was my clothes. I had been used to dressing to ‘fit in’ as that was what I was most comfortable doing when I was in Sweden. That meant I wore A LOT of dark clothes most of the time. I didn’t want to call attention to myself so I played it ‘safe’.

Once here, I realized I craved more color, more mixing and matching and a bit more fun and even small bursts of quirkiness in my wardrobe. I felt so much like me on the inside that the outside was screaming to catch up. Thank goodness I had the help of Sarah—who guided me in seeing my clothes in new ways. In working with her, I was able to start playing and experimenting and having a lot more fun with my look and sense of style. Putting the outside and inside in alignment in that way made ME even stronger.

That consistency is BIG. Part of the MORE you are meant to be living means ALL of YOU wants and needs to shine. You don’t want to be hiding behind something that isn’t really you. So think about this in your own life. Are you being consistent in the expression of yourself both on the inside AND the outside? Does one need more attention than the other right now? What one small (or big!) thing could you do today that would bring the inside and outside YOU into even more alignment?

Image: africa / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Transitioning from Just Fine to MORE

Finding YOUR MORE is definitely a process and I would say it is really a transition. A transition from living a life that is Just Fine to living a life that is full, fulfilling and MORE than fine. During this transition process, you get to redefine yourself in the world, finding and living the life you know you want to live.

Now transitions are a huge part of life. They are also a part that people often don’t know quite enough about. There is a lot that goes on in a transition process. And if we aren’t aware of some of the steps, it can easily feel as if we are lost, on the wrong path, or we might even start questioning whether we really want what we think we want. All of this is normal and part of the process.

I will talk about this process intermittently in the posts to come. Let’s start, though, at the beginning. Pretty good place to start, don’t you think? The first important element in terms of transitions is understanding the difference between change and transition. We often use these words interchangeably, but they are very different. First of all, remember that change is a one-time occurrence. It is not a process. What IS a process is the transition that a change might bring. The transition is your own internal process of redefining or reinventing yourself after the change. Just separating these two concepts can be helpful. Because if a change does happen and you feel like your control is gone, remember that the next part—the process—is all YOURS. The change took place and it’s over. What comes AFTER the change is your own internal process and you have control over that. This is where you take your power back whether you decided on the change or not.

Useful questions to ask yourself here are things like Who do I want to be now after this change? or What can this change allow me to become?

So in this case, it could be some change happened in your life that made you realize that you want MORE. That could really be anything. Or maybe it was a number of changes that led you to where you are today. Whatever the change, whatever caused you to become really serious, really committed to finding and living your MORE, this now time for YOUR transition.

So go ahead...ask yourself these questions... Who do you want to be once you have made this change? What can this change allow me to become?

The Importance of Space

I KNOW that part of the MORE that we are looking for starts with an element of space. Space? you might wonder. Space can be a challenging thing to find in life today. There is SO much to fill our lives with—material things, mental and physical to-do lists and all those thoughts that are continuously filling our minds. I realize that for many people the idea of having a little space—for reflection, for quiet, for just being in the moment and enjoying it, whatever it brings—can seem very far away, even daunting.

And that’s OK. It’s even understandable if you look around at our world today. However, without the space, it is quite challenging to really see, find and live your MORE. Without the space, there is SO much stuff clouding your view, it is almost impossible to know what that MORE is let alone be able to live it.

I know from my own experience and that of my clients, that when we give ourselves that space, the possibility for clarity and for fulfillment increases tremendously. So this week, I ask you to bring more space into your life. 'What exactly does that mean?', you might be asking. Well, only you know what that looks like for you. Space could be SO many things…it could be 10 minutes of writing in a journal, or a walk outside feeling the ground beneath your feet and the air in your lungs. It could be meditating or doing yoga or painting or dancing. The criteria for space is the following: you want there to be quiet, you want to quiet your mind as much as possible and focus on whatever you are doing. You can even use your senses to get away from those thoughts. Focus on all that you are hearing, all that you are feeling on your skin, etc.

The above are just examples. Space comes in many forms and sizes. And don’t be worried about the amount of time you spend doing this. If any of this sounds overwhelming, you can start by just bringing space to mind a few times a day. When that feels natural, you can start experimenting on a small scale and see how it feels. There is no right answer. And what feels right might change daily or you might want to have the same routine every day. Be patient with yourself, especially if this feels challenging. Getting comfortable with space is a first step in getting clearer about the unique version of MORE that is YOURS.

Image: Karen Harding / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Something More

So what exactly IS Something MORE? That is an excellent question! And it really depends on who you are and where you are right now. I can say, though, that FINDING that something MORE is exciting and fun. It is a process of discovery and exploration.

And although the something MORE can include dreams of a new job, a new home, more money, a new relationship, those things will come and go. So when you get that thing you are dreaming of, you will undoubtedly put a new “thing” on your list.

So instead of focusing on the ‘things’ that will give you more, you can look at how it will feel when you have the MORE you are looking for. For many clients I have worked with, the feeling of contentment is often one that is fleeting and one they want more of. A lot of times, you don’t linger long enough to truly feel it. We are so wrapped up in getting things done and moving onto the next thing to ‘do’ that we allow no space to feel the contentment we are searching for.

In the next few days, think about YOUR something more. What does that look like? What does your More FEEL like? How will you know when you have it?