The Refresh Button: Becoming Bi-Continental, Part 2

It took a little while before I understood it all. I was actually a little confused when I started feeling the urge to sell my apartment in Stockholm. Hadn’t I wanted 2 homes? Hadn’t I wanted to become Bi-Continental? And now that was so close, how could I just ‘give that up’? I think other people were confused too. I had been talking about this forever and then suddenly, I was just ready to change my mind. How could that be? Didn’t I need that home to fulfill that Bi-Continental Life dream?

The most amazing thing was that this decision was NOT a hard one for me. It was actually one of the most clear choices I have made in my life. And I can say I have struggles with a large number of choices—making pro and cons lists, talking to people over and over, deliberating back and forth. There was NONE of that this time. I was unsure for a while, but I just let it be that way.

Once I did KNOW, I knew that it would be emotional to let go of my apartment, to let go of my job, to let go of an extremely comfortable daily life with a great number of friends and colleagues who I love. I also realized that although I knew that would be emotional, it also felt right so it wasn’t that hard. The hardest part, actually, was letting go of the IDEA of the Bi-continental Life. I had dreamed of it for so long. How could I just suddenly let it go?

And then it hit me one day. I realized that all along I had been so rigid with my definition of Bi-Continental that I didn’t know that really I HAD been living it for years. Not just KIND of living it, but REALLY living it. I AM Bi-Continental. And it has NOTHING to do with HAVING a home in two places. It has, instead, EVERYTHING to do with the fact that I FEEL at home in two places. So no wonder it was easy to see my apartment. I have already achieved my dream. I had just forgotten to hit that essential refresh button so I was using the right definition.

What does this story bring up for you? Is there somewhere in your life that you are living with an old definition of what you want or who you want to be?

Image: Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Becoming Bi-Continental, Part 1

Back in 1999, I came up with the idea/dream/vision of leading what I called my Bi-continental Life. I was living in Turku, Finland at the time teaching English at the University there. I had been hired on a temporary contract for a year although I ended up staying there for 2 and a half in total. About halfway through, my friend Kat came to visit me from the US. It was in conversations with her that the Bi-Continental idea was born. There were people in the US that we knew talked about bi-coastal--having a home on both sides of the US. So why not think bigger?

I enjoyed aspects of living in Europe, but I liked being back in the US too. So I decided, why limit myself? I could have it all. I could have a home in Europe and a home in the US. Now let me assure you this was a pretty new way of thinking for me. And if I thought ‘practically’, there was really no reason to believe this was a do-able option. Especially at the salary I was making at the time. But I knew even then that life is FULL of options and that having a clear vision was the place to start. I knew there were plenty of people living their dreams, so why couldn’t that be true for me as well?

And in the next 10 years, it did become true although maybe not in the exact way I had thought. I ended up making a life for myself in Sweden. I got a good job, I eventually bought an apartment in downtown Stockholm (this was the first time I owned property so this was BIG!). And every 6 months I went back to California and stayed for 3 - 5 weeks. Now, I didn’t have one home there. But I had places where I stayed that felt like home every time I went.

I did that for a total of 9 years. And at the end of that time, I started feeling like I wanted to spend more time in California. So I did a test. I took a leave of absence for a year, rented out my apartment and came to live in California. And during those months, I realized that the idea of the Bi-Continental that I had (two homes in two countries) was not at all what I really wanted….
To be continued in the next post…

Image: Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Transitioning from Just Fine to MORE

Finding YOUR MORE is definitely a process and I would say it is really a transition. A transition from living a life that is Just Fine to living a life that is full, fulfilling and MORE than fine. During this transition process, you get to redefine yourself in the world, finding and living the life you know you want to live.

Now transitions are a huge part of life. They are also a part that people often don’t know quite enough about. There is a lot that goes on in a transition process. And if we aren’t aware of some of the steps, it can easily feel as if we are lost, on the wrong path, or we might even start questioning whether we really want what we think we want. All of this is normal and part of the process.

I will talk about this process intermittently in the posts to come. Let’s start, though, at the beginning. Pretty good place to start, don’t you think? The first important element in terms of transitions is understanding the difference between change and transition. We often use these words interchangeably, but they are very different. First of all, remember that change is a one-time occurrence. It is not a process. What IS a process is the transition that a change might bring. The transition is your own internal process of redefining or reinventing yourself after the change. Just separating these two concepts can be helpful. Because if a change does happen and you feel like your control is gone, remember that the next part—the process—is all YOURS. The change took place and it’s over. What comes AFTER the change is your own internal process and you have control over that. This is where you take your power back whether you decided on the change or not.

Useful questions to ask yourself here are things like Who do I want to be now after this change? or What can this change allow me to become?

So in this case, it could be some change happened in your life that made you realize that you want MORE. That could really be anything. Or maybe it was a number of changes that led you to where you are today. Whatever the change, whatever caused you to become really serious, really committed to finding and living your MORE, this now time for YOUR transition.

So go ahead...ask yourself these questions... Who do you want to be once you have made this change? What can this change allow me to become?

The Importance of Space

I KNOW that part of the MORE that we are looking for starts with an element of space. Space? you might wonder. Space can be a challenging thing to find in life today. There is SO much to fill our lives with—material things, mental and physical to-do lists and all those thoughts that are continuously filling our minds. I realize that for many people the idea of having a little space—for reflection, for quiet, for just being in the moment and enjoying it, whatever it brings—can seem very far away, even daunting.

And that’s OK. It’s even understandable if you look around at our world today. However, without the space, it is quite challenging to really see, find and live your MORE. Without the space, there is SO much stuff clouding your view, it is almost impossible to know what that MORE is let alone be able to live it.

I know from my own experience and that of my clients, that when we give ourselves that space, the possibility for clarity and for fulfillment increases tremendously. So this week, I ask you to bring more space into your life. 'What exactly does that mean?', you might be asking. Well, only you know what that looks like for you. Space could be SO many things…it could be 10 minutes of writing in a journal, or a walk outside feeling the ground beneath your feet and the air in your lungs. It could be meditating or doing yoga or painting or dancing. The criteria for space is the following: you want there to be quiet, you want to quiet your mind as much as possible and focus on whatever you are doing. You can even use your senses to get away from those thoughts. Focus on all that you are hearing, all that you are feeling on your skin, etc.

The above are just examples. Space comes in many forms and sizes. And don’t be worried about the amount of time you spend doing this. If any of this sounds overwhelming, you can start by just bringing space to mind a few times a day. When that feels natural, you can start experimenting on a small scale and see how it feels. There is no right answer. And what feels right might change daily or you might want to have the same routine every day. Be patient with yourself, especially if this feels challenging. Getting comfortable with space is a first step in getting clearer about the unique version of MORE that is YOURS.

Image: Karen Harding / FreeDigitalPhotos.net